Black & Vulnerable Diary 02
POV: You’re 25 and just finished developing your brain but still can’t quite figure out how to sustain your own happiness.
Well obviously. I’ve only lived a quarter of my life and have much more to figure out but ofcourse, not having all the answers right now feels like they’ll never arrive. This adulting shit, is really hard and I’m really struggling these days. There are so many beautiful moments I am thankful for, but I’m struggling to hold onto that beauty and gratitude. I usually have contempt for people who are constantly complaining so I try to avoid being that person and keep it pushing normally. Keeping it pushing just doesn’t feel good today. I’m annoyed because I want things to feel easier and today is just not the day I wanna put in work. Nope!
I know I won’t feel “good” all the time but I wish my good moments just lasted a little bit longer. I wish I was better at sustaining those feelings of joy, comfort and excitement. Ironically enough, ever since the internet became more self-aware, mental health conscious and manifesty, I’ve just been feeling shittier lol. I’m here for the accessible knowledge and community full of resources but it’s also been serving as reminder that they are things I’m simply not doing that I wish I was. I get inside my head so much that it’s paralyzing. Who’s fault is that? No one’s but my own, but I’m just exhausted from feeling like I’m falling short.
I don’t have any inspiring to say other than, some days are just better than others. If you’ve been feeling like sustaining your happiness is challenge, same. You’re not alone and it doesn’t make you an ungrateful or unappreciative person. It just makes you another person. This too shall pass — and in the process, I’m making space for the bad days and this time, keeping it honest instead of keeping it pushing.
Love to you all, I hope this week is good to you.
xx
Ke
Thank you for sharing. I can relate so hard.